Balls is as bad as it gets at Wimbledon

Terry Cringle

Terry Cringle

0
Have your say

We are awash with Wimbledon on television and the Daily Telegraph reported last week that tournament officials have warned players about too much swearing on court.

Bad language?

In lawn tennis, that most fragrantly genteel of English summer games?

What kind of thing do they mean I wonder . . .

The scene is the men’s singles:

‘That shot was out, you absolute rotter.’

‘Nonsense, you silly billy.’

‘Don’t you call me a silly billy, you blooming twerp.’

‘You are talking a lot of tosh’

‘That’s enough from you, dash it.’

‘Oh pish, bother and fiddle-de-dee’.

Right, let’s have no more of that kind of language. This a family newspaper.

Meanwhile I wonder if the newspapers might also stop publishing photographs of Wimbledon players with their mouths wide open to the sky.

Andy Murray does it a lot. He looks like a fledgling in its nest waiting for mother to drop a nice juicy worm down there.

The ladies also do it, bearing their teeth ferociously. This is very worrying for a man.

-------------------

At an early evening supper and snifters with friends I told the others that my 22-year-old granddaughter Annie had just climbed up Kilimanjaro after a mighty physical and mental struggle.

One of the ladies, famous for her malapropisms, asked: “Did she have to use Klingons?’

When I told Annie this she admitted that the climb had been something of a Trek.

-------------------

This week’s crossword clue, sent in by Frank Bond, was in the Yorkshire Post as follows: ‘Manxman, perhaps, without one word of denigration (7).’

-------------------

Outside the Prospect Hotel in Douglas there is a blackboard with the following message chalked on it: ‘Thin people are easier to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat pies. Pies served here Monday to Friday 12-2.’

I’d plump for that.

-------------------

There is another argument for moving the cars rather than the Douglas horse trams. It’s to do with protecting the environment.

The exhaust systems of horses offer fragrant emissions, good for the roses.

The exhaust systems of cars make them, like 007, licensed to kill.

-------------------

Philip Bannan says he has been sent a bill by Manx Gas which is not for his supply of gas but for work on a boiler at his house.

The bill said it was from ‘Manx Gas, Murdoch House, Douglas, United Kingdom.’

They should look out of the office windows now and again.

The company also advertises on Manx Radio and offer to help householders get rid of their ‘old boiler.’

That’s no way to talk about the wife.

-------------------

Not for the first time the Treasury has sent me an income tax rebate, this time for £85.21. The signature on the cheque is a wholly undecipherable squiggle.

Is it somebody in the Treasury who doesn’t like it to be known that they give money to people instead of taking it off them?

-------------------

In my Funnies File I have found a story sent to Manx Radio by Independent Radio News saying: ‘A spectacular open-air performance of “Aids” is to take place at the Temple of Luxor in Egypt.’

-------------------

This week’s London underground driver’s message: ‘Let the passengers off the train FIRST – Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines. I’m going home.’

-------------------

Crossword: ISLANDER

Back to the top of the page