CRINGLE: Driving home Manx tourism

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I DON’T get around much any more, not in the Isle of Man anyway.

I drive to work and back and that’s about it these days.

I was reminded of this sad state of affairs last week when my daughter came over with a friend and told me: ‘You must take Candida on a tour round and show her how lovely the Isle of Man is.’

She added that she wouldn’t be coming with us. Like the rest of my family, she believes I drive too slowly.

I told her this was what you did on a sight-seeing tour.

‘Just be back before midnight,’ she said.

As a result, in one day, I drove with Candida for four unbroken hours and covered nearly 100 miles. She assured me she had enjoyed it.

It was all about sight-seeing for me as well. I went to parts of the Isle of Man which I haven’t been to in years.

First leg was Douglas to Castletown, Port Erin, Port St Mary and the Calf Sound where there is a new cafe. Whatever happened to the old one?

After that it was down to Fleshwick. It took a few false starts before I found the right road. I tried to work out how long it had been since a crowd of us went down there and barbecued a whole sheep.

What I could remember was that I was the only person to bring some mint sauce. I never knew girls would do such things for a spoonful of mint sauce.

We headed towards Kirk Michael to link up with the TT Course. We came up behind a small pick-up truck with a double bed mattress in the open back. This took off without warning and landed in the road a short distance ahead.

I missed it (I wasn’t caught napping) and set off in pursuit of the truck.

The driver stopped and I pulled up alongside to tell him what had happened.

He stared at me. ‘It’s you isn’t it?’ he said. ‘I suppose this’ll be in the Examiner next week.’

Right on, pal.

We went up to the Point of Ayre and back and then I got lost in Ramsey. I ended up in a large modern housing estate. It hadn’t been there the last time I was in Ramsey.

Candida was kind about the situation. She said it was a really nice housing estate.

We returned to Douglas over the Mountain Road and Candida promised me faithfully that when she got home she would get a copy of the George Formby film ‘No Limit’ and also to tell all her friends about how lovely the Isle of Man was and they should all come over this summer.

Now I am safely back in Douglas and wondering if Geoff Corkish, the closest thing we have to a Minister for Tourism these days, will let me put a bill in for my petrol.

It’s going up in price again I notice.

• PAT Sharp in Laxey tells me she saw the following on Sky breaking news from Amritsar: ‘David Cameron has expressed remorse for the 1000 protesters killed by British troops on the third day of his visit to India.’ Sky always says: ‘Believe in Better.’ You have to.

• THERE was a headline in the Examiner saying: ‘Hole to be repaired.’

The reader who reported this anonymously asked if I wanted to be filled in on it.

• ONE more Manx crossword clue from Karl Campbell: ‘Chap cross with tailless cat (4) – Manx.’

• THIS week’s media collective noun is: ‘A Remainder of Publishers.’

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