CRINGLE: Looking through the Funnies File

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JUST when I thought the contents of my Funnies File were getting to be seriously depleted because of too many outbreaks of R&R I have discovered another as yet unbroached sackful.

As a result I am celebrating with more R&R.

The Examiner comes out first with a front page headline announcing: ‘New direction for TT.’ It would have to be anti-clockwise.

The Manx Independent is next with a story saying: ‘Sketches, ceramics, sculptors and textiles, some of which have been gathering dust at the Isle of Man College for 10 years, are to be sold.’

I think the sculptors might be a little bit chippy about this.

Now the Isle of Man Courier: ‘A new physiotherapy unit at Port St Mary has opened and is able to deal with about 25 patients at full stretch.’

Next into the spotlight is Manx Radio with a report by the late Geoff Cannell from a Commonwealth Games at which Manx shooter Nigel Kelly was celebrating winning a gold medal. Geoff said: ‘Nigel is being kissed all over the place.’

The station carried a commercial for a new bus service saying: ‘Visit the Aquadrome, the Island’s premier pool and spar facility.’ People must have been fighting to get in.

The station also had a livestock sales commercial which offered a ‘cross-bred chevrolet cow.’

This new Funnies File goes back a long way and it recalls a sign painted on the side wall of a building on North Quay in Douglas which used to be the premises of Riley’s agricultural merchants. It said: ‘Riley’s for Service, Servility and Satisfaction.’

There was also a compelling sign to be seen in Ramsey, in 1988 according to my records. A ladies fashion shop in Parliament Street had a display window round the corner in Collins Lane and in the front window there was a notice saying: ‘Our underwear can be viewed in the lane.’

Still in 1988 the Tourist Board’s events list for the year announced that the Manx Operatic Society would be staging the American musical ‘Maim.’ To be followed by the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

Back to the newspapers and the Isle of Man Courier had a story dating back to when there were ill-fated plans for building airships, known as skyships, at Jurby. A spokesman for the company was quoted as saying that ‘he wished every member of the (Manx) Government to realise it was not pie in the sky.’

Now for a few saucy items.

The Courier’s weekly planning list included: Erection of a swelling in Majestic Drive, Onchan. The Manx Independent carried the headline: ‘Manx nun’s snatch plot.’ The Isle of Man Gazette had the headline: ‘Swinging organ society.’

Switching Manx Radio back on we come to a news item from outside the Isle of Man about an earth tremor in the Potteries, which said: ‘The cause is a mystery at the moment. Old mineworkers subsiding have caused slight tremors in the past.’

They’re always the fall guys.

Finally, back to the Examiner, a headline saying: ‘Mother’s threat to flasher.’ To do what?

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