CRINGLE: Red letter

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HON. W.E. Teare MHK,

Treasury Minister,

The Treasury,

Isle of Man Government,

Bucks Road,

Douglas,

Isle of Man,

IMGOFF.

Dear Eddie,

First let me apologise for the familiar form of address. It’s just that I have always felt you have the most voter friendly name in Tynwald Court.

Steady Eddie the Manxman. Just the chap to be in charge of the economy at this interesting time in Manx history, which is why I am writing to you today.

What I want to say is that we are now well into 2012, by 10 days when you get this letter, and I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to you and the Chief Minister and the rest.

The reason is, Eddie, that nothing really bad as far as the Manx economy is concerned has happened yet.

After all, we have been warned that it’s going to be a bad year for all of us in the Isle of Man. But it seems to be all right so far, apart from the terrible wind, which I suppose afflicts many people after the seasonal excesses.

As a result I would like to say something on behalf of everyone who has been terrorised throughout 2011 by stern warnings of financial disaster, recession, unemployment, high living costs, abject poverty, and Manx fishing boats returning to the herrin’ to go with the spuds ‘n’.

I would like to say: Jolly well done!!!

Just one more little thing, Ed old son.

By now you will have had placed upon your desk my personal cheque for payment of my 2011-2012 income tax liability as payable by January 6, which is what we loyal self-employed persons have to do upon threat for non-payment of all kinds of terrible . . .

Well, let’s not go into that just now.

You are, of course, a busy man and I don’t expect anything in the nature of a telephone call or letter to offer me a personal expression of thanks, even though you do need the money.

But next time you’re passing the Isle of Man Bank, where I am sure they remember you well, you can with my whole-hearted support pop my cheque into the Treasury account as my contribution to our national defence when we finally do face up to the fiscal Armageddon that is surely to come later in 2012.

I would like to remind you, however, that it has been the practice of the Treasury over the past few years to send me a tax refund, so if you don’t mind perhaps you could slip mine in the post as soon as possible before things get really bad.

I like my tax refunds, for all that the intaxication they cause is no more than the short-lived euphoria which lasts only until you remember that it was your own money in the first place.

Yours ever,

Tel.

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NOW that the festive season is over the decorations have been taken down at Manx Radio. They include the pair of globular Christmas baubles which were hung on the door of the men’s toilets.

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I RANG Clear Pharmacy in Douglas to order renewal of one of my prescribed medical items and Geraldine didn’t seem to have my list handy. ‘We haven’t put you away yet,’ she said. Is that what they’re trying to do?

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