PAUL SPELLER: Published at last

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THE more astute of you may have noticed that in the episodic publication of the end of term reports on our esteemed MHKs, one person was missed out.

Is it because John Shimmin, possibly the meek MHKs’ choice for next chief minister, is astoundingly brilliant?

Or astoundingly bad?

Was his omission the ultimate damnation? Not even worth a disparaging remark?

Had the Office of Fair Trading commissioned the end of term reports and then decided not to bother publishing the findings into Mr Shimmin?

Or was it a production error where, in these days of technology, the report on Mr Shimmin got lopped off the end of the writer’s copy?

The truth may never be known but now, to celebrate nominations day (by the time most of you read this, it’s too late to decide to stand), and for the first time ever, here is the end of term report into the performance of John Shimmin.

John Shimmin

The better of the two Douglas West MHKs.

2/10.

Now, it has been brought to my attention that there have been no end of term reports for our esteemed MLCs.

Strictly speaking, of course , that’s because it’s not the end of their term.

Still, it would be remiss not to give them all a mention. Thanks to the GCSE results, space is a bit tight this week, so the reports are quite brief.

This is in no way due to the fact that most people couldn’t even name all the MLCs off he top of their head.

David Callister

Can’t be that busy as he’s also the face of KFC.

5/10

Juan Turner

A young pup by Legislative Council standards. Certainly like a dog with a bone on some of his pet subjects.

5/10

Dudley Butt

The most revolting feet in Tynwald.

4/10 (will score higher if he pledges to keep them covered)

Alan Crowe

Wouldn’t say boo to a goose. He says even less than that to postal workers.

1/10

Eddie Lowey

He’s still there?! Crumbs.

6/10 (extra marks for longevity)

Phil Braidwood

I bet he misses life working alongside Brenda Cannell. He should invite her to join him.

3/10 (Marked down as he gave us Chris Robertshaw)

Alex Downie

He knows all the film stars, you know.

5/10

Clare Christian

She’s the president. And a woman. That’ll take some getting used to for most of them.

7/10

Bishop Robert Paterson

A top chap and shows a sense that others could learn from.

8/10

l THE past few weeks have been quite entertaining on the political spectrum. The government is often accused of attempting to interfere with or bully the media and, the truth is, efforts are made from time to time.

But the rules change in the last few weeks before an election and we’ve had quite a few calls and emails from what you would class as backbench MHKs attempting to hold some sway over the coverage they get.

The big clue is when they announce ‘I’m not telling you what to write’, before attempting to do just that.

They normally back off when you ask what they’d say if they heard a minister tried to dictate what headlines we should write.

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