Taxing time over position of toilet seat

Terry Cringle

Terry Cringle

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I will admit that inexplicable occurrences within the Bijou Residence are usually the result of delusion, drink or even damnation.

But what’s happening to my toilet seat at the moment is the real thing. It’s there in the bathroom to be seen all the time and has been for several weeks now.

Up to now, for reasons of its own, the seat has always refused to stay up after having been lifted. If I didn’t lower it after use it used to fall down of its own volition with an almighty crash unless I lowered it gently.

Now it stays erect, if you understand what I mean, all the time.

Not that I really mind. There is no lady on a permanent basis in the Bijou so there is nobody to berate me daily for not putting the seat down afterwards for her, well, convenience. I can live with a permanently raised toilet seat. It’s what a man needs even if women don’t.

I no longer have to hold the seat up with my right hand while pointing Percy at the porcelain with the other.

(If anybody is interested, I’m a left-hander)

But I’m not wholly at ease. What happens if the seat suddenly changes its fickle mind at a critical moment for me?

It could come uncomfortably close to causing serious injury.

I don’t want it to strike a sharp blow on my left hand and, of course, anything else.

In the cause of objective investigative journalism I did discuss the whole matter with a lady who I thought might be interested on behalf of ladies in general. She wasn’t helpful.

‘Just put it down afterwards and leave it down,’ she snapped. ‘It’s what men should always do.’

I should have known better.

But I don’t like the idea. It sounds somehow like surrendering even more of my manliness.

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This week’s Manx celebrities are: Roddy Slieu Whallian, Simon and Garffunkell, Dalby Parton, Gansey de Paul and Joan Newson Trading.

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Manx Radio reported that the Isle of Man Commonwealth Games team had been announced and ‘it’s a record-breaking one’.

Now that’s encouraging.

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Edward Faragher says the Isle of Man Courier reported the start of flights to Doncaster/Sheffield with departures from Ronaldsway on Mondays at 11.55 am with return at 10.35am while on Fridays and Sundays leaving at 3.40pm with return at 2.05pm.

Time travel? Or is that we’re more backward than we think?

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This week’s Karl Campbell Manx crossword clue is from the Sunday Times: Establish finer points in order to impart Manx attributes to your cat (6) – DETAIL. Also, from Redvers Skillicorn living in Bristol, in Rail magazine: Adopt a principle when you go east-north-east in motor cycle race (5) – TENET.

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Church notice: ‘At the evening service tonight the topic will be ‘What is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.’

There have some more comments on Manxness which I will hold over to next week.

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