DCSIMG

Manx Hockey Blog 11: Karaoke and wardrobe malfunctions

Karaoke kings and queens?

Karaoke kings and queens?

 

Pasty and Thad give the low-down from another legendary Castletown social night

THEY ONLY SING WHEN THEY’RE WINNING

Back in 2007, Professor Trevor Cox of Salford University ran a series of scientific tests to determine the most horrendous sound ever, which he deduced to be vomiting.

Last weekend over the course of a Saturday evening in Douglas, Pasty and Thad conducted a slightly less scientific series of tests, which deduced that a close contender would have been the Castletown Hockey Club karaoke night (although thanks to the...erm...’commitment’ of guest judges Cassie Quirk and Dani Kelly, we almost had grounds for a direct comparison).

Castletown karaoke nights have become synonymous with bribery, debauchery and the vocal massacre of timeless dancefloor fillers, and I can confirm that last weekend’s event, brilliantly organised by social king and queen Anthony and Lisa Cooke, did not disappoint in any of these categories.

Debauchery was mainly provided by blog hero David ‘Shirley Bassey’ Quayle’s attempts to recreate Hey Big Spender, which had an ironic effect on the night as, during his perfectly-scripted ‘wardrobe malfunction’ (including tassels), most of the audience promptly became big spenders at the bar...

Highlights were too numerous to mention, but credit must also go to Cammags’ well-outfitted and marvellous rendition of the YMCA, along with Mike Taylor’s stunning (!) vocals of a Top Gun classic. Real showstoppers, however, were the victors of the night, the Saracens team clad in tartan and stetsons belting out country classics all night. Barry Powell and Kyle Caine’s brokeback mountain version of Stand By Your Man left not a dry eye in the house!

Pictured above is the victorious Saracens team (along with Pasty who sang for most of the Castletown teams instead). This photo is purely for posterity as since they’ve won it for the past three years it remains to be seen if they will be invited next year!

A DISCIPLINARY OFFENCE TO REPORT

It’s alright, it’s not Thad again. Just this once.

It’s a well-known fact that if there’s a bandwagon about we’ll be hanging off the front of it, using our top journalistic credentials to attempt to shoehorn something entirely irrelevant into a blog about Manx Hockey. If anyone should doubt such a thing, we refer you to last year’s blog which spelt out the similarities between Vikings A and the Costa Concordia.

However, a matter of international importance has come to our attention and we, together with the whole of Manx Hockey, whose signatures we have just forged on a document, now call on our county disciplinary officer, Jon Whiting, to do something about it. Sure, he may get hung for treason or something, but I’m sure after a difficult period for all of us, someone else would step into the role of county disciplinary officer so it would be okay.

To the matter at hand, we all saw over the weekend that Kate Middleton is having a baby. Great news. But fewer of us will have seen footage of Kate Middleton on Friday opening a new hockey pitch at her old school and demonstrating some solid hockey ability on the new Astroturf pitch (in high heels, but she’s the future queen so she can do what she wants). Always on the lookout for additional women’s players, it’s understood she’s still yet to acknowledge receipt of Thad’s player registration form for Castletown.

Anyway, the big problem is that Kate was quite clearly playing hockey while pregnant and we’re pretty sure there’s a rule buried somewhere about not doing that. So we call on Mr Whiting to complete a Disciplinary Report Form and ensure that this doesn’t happen again and she is banned from the sport, high heels or no high heels, for a significant period of time.

Obviously, this might have a detrimental effect on any plans Jon had to be knighted, but if it makes him feel better, we’ll refer to him as Lord Whiting in these pages forevermore.

Since we know that these pages tend to do the rounds at his office, if we could encourage all of his colleagues to refer to him as Lord Whiting from this point forward, we’d be most grateful.

COTTIER HOUSEHOLD UPDATES

It’s been a bad week in the Cottier household. Steve Cottier, along with many others amongst you, has been doing the level two coaching course at the NSC over the past few weekends and, as part of his follow-up work, now has to make Pasty into a decent hockey player.

Pasty was last heard in the Whitestone muttering something about his international experience and how he had nothing left to learn. However, we shall follow closely Steve’s attempts to make Pasty a top-notch hockey player over future weeks.

His coaching started rather unsuccessfully this week as the Saracens training session was iced-off. This did, however, save Steve from the difficult but inevitable moment when he was going to need to pass the ball to another player in order to coach them. There’s all kinds of hurdles to overcome...

Even more difficult times for wife Steph, as there was an awkward and somewhat urgent substitution part way through Saturday’s match against Valkyrs C when Steph suffered from what is best described as a wardrobe malfunction during the match when, errr, some strapping failed. Fortunately, no-one noticed at the time and at least no-one wrote about it on the website of the national paper.

CHANGING FACES

What started out life as the Vikings Vole and became the Valkyrs Vol-Au-Vent has once again morphed into something new. It announced its new identity as the Ramsey Ramekin to Pasty over Facebook during the week.

‘The sad square loser of a vol au vent has left us and abandoned ship. I am the new kid on the block (blog), I am liking the lookalikes in the blog. I do believe I have a very close likeness to a lasagne dish that was once in an episode of Friends. Keep up the good work, may see you sometime when I am keeping a soufflé warm. RR’

Pasty’s cooking knowledge extends to having once not burned toast in 1994 (under the supervision of his mum) but, after having looked up what a Ramekin is, we confirm that the Ramsey Ramekin does indeed bare a close likeness to a lasagne dish. Just a bit smaller.

It’s an improvement over our previous communication with the Ramekin-Au-Vent, where we accused him/her of being Phoenix which, frankly, he/she took rather badly. We still have absolutely no idea who it is.

BRATT ATTACK

I’ve tried; there are officially no interesting facts about Ramekins. Interestingly, Google (other search engines are probably available...I think) reckons I mean Americans. There are no interesting facts about Americans.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING, THE BLOG IS GETTING FAT

Cast your minds back to last Christmas if you can, and if you remember we gave you a special present of a water-based pun team. Can’t really remember why but let’s not d’well’ on it.

Well next week we’ve got another cracker for you to unwrap, as we’ll be racking our brains to come up with a Christmas-based team. If there’s anyone who may have a slightly Christmassy name who you can nominate for our pun team please let us know at pastyandthad@manx.net - there’s another sleepless week for Chris(tmas) Hyde? You get the idea...

PREDICTIONS

Last week, Sam Spooner had a special game-plan for his predictions; he was going to back the clubs he has promised to play for in the past three seasons. This naturally backfired and we sent his first effort back to him advising not every team could win. To be fair to him, he went back and, after much headscratching, came back with a full set of predictions and got a total of six points from the 10 games. This unfortunately wasn’t good enough for a blog mega-prize, being three points behind both Thad and Pasty for the week, the latter calling two perfect results.

This week we’re back up north again for the latest member of the green machine to put his neck on the line, with the man apparently responsible for all of Top’s skills, Ben Curtis, to take the plunge. He’s got a lot to answer for...good luck!

Have a good ‘un!

Pasty and Thad

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BEN’S PREDICTIONS

Wi-Manx Mixed Division Two

Harlequins B 1 v 3 Bacchas D

Wi-Manx Mixed Cup

Celts 2 v 2 Ramsey (Celts on flicks)

Vikings A 1 v 6 Bacchas A

Wi-Manx Mixed Plate

Ramsey Ravens 2 v 2 Vikings C (Vikings on flicks)

Valkyrs C 3 v 2 Harlequins A

Wi-Manx Under-16s

Bacchas 4 v 2 Castletown

Harlequins 0 v 5 Ramsey Rogues

Valkyrs 2 v 4 Ramsey Rascals

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PASTY’S PREDICTIONS

Wi-Manx Mixed Division Two

Harlequins B 1 v 2 Bacchas D

Wi-Manx Mixed Cup

Celts 2 v 1 Ramsey

Vikings A 1 v 3 Bacchas A

Wi-Manx Mixed Plate

Ramsey Ravens 3 v 1 Vikings C

Valkyrs C 4 v 2 Harlequins A

Wi-Manx Under-16s

Bacchas 4 v 2 Castletown

Harlequins 1 v 3 Ramsey Rogues

Valkyrs 2 v 3 Ramsey Rascals

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THAD’S PREDICTIONS

Wi-Manx Mixed Division Two

Harlequins B 2 v 3 Bacchas D

Wi-Manx Mixed Cup

Celts 3 v 1 Ramsey

Vikings A 2 v 5 Bacchas A

Wi-Manx Mixed Plate

Ramsey Ravens 5 v 1 Vikings C

Valkyrs C 3 v 2 Harlequins A

Wi-Manx Under-16s

Bacchas 4 v 3 Castletown

Harlequins 0 v 3 Ramsey Rogues

Valkyrs 4 v 2 Ramsey Rascals

 
 
 

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