There’s news of Sam Spooner, novel umpiring and Katy Stopford in the latest offerings from Pasty and Thad
IN the first blog of the season, we mused where Sam Spooner may turn up and if anyone had any information on his whereabouts could they please let us know.
Well happily we can confirm that the slippery customer has been found, apparently he has been rooting around in a lady’s drawers up in Aberdeen. The full version of this incredible story can be seen here.
Luckily Spooner was found in good condition and has been well cared for, which is certainly a weight off our minds. As a fan of dark, warm places, there was no end of places he could have been hiding (behind the washing machine is apparently a regular haunt) so it’s just come as a relief to all involved that he’s finally been located. As the rescuers explain Spooner is a really good escape artist so there’s every chance he has an owner nearby who is missing him.
All that is now needed is for Neil Crowe to come and claim him...
------
BUS-TED
Never has there been such a triumph over umpiring adversity as was witnessed in Ramsey a couple of weeks ago. As Karl Flint peered into his umpiring bag before policing a Valkyrs vs Ramsey fixture, he realised that a necessary piece of kit was missing. Completely unfazed, Karl proceeded to start the match and all went fine until part way through the first half it was necessary to issue a card for a minor offence.
Striding up to the bemused player, Karl presented him with the necessary personal penalty, showing the card to the player in the time-honoured fashion.
The player stared at it for a few seconds longer than normal, just checking it was the green rather than the yellow. ‘It’s a green,’ Karl whispered, the player walked away, and the remainder of the half continued without further thought. All proceeded as normal until midway through the second half, when another infraction required the issuance of a green card. This time, the player stared at the card, looking bemused, unable to ascertain the colour presented to him. Upon further questioning, it transpired that Karl hadn’t bought his green card with him, and, for lack of any other alternative, had used nothing other than his bus pass! The blog award for umpiring ingenuity goes to Karl Flint.
------
CHRIS CALDWELL – AN APPEALING GUY
We’ve all had one of those days when you just get the feeling things aren’t going your way. We’ve all been known to look towards your team-mates, the umpire or your soon to be replaced hockey stick as scapegoats. However, during a particularly tight affair with Castletown Celts on Saturday Valkyrs’ midfielder Chris Caldwell took a slightly different approach by appearing to refute life, the universe and everything. Chris took it upon himself to take the brave step of questioning the very fabric of time by appealing...erm..the half-time whistle.
We are not sure if Chris had been up all night reading Stephen Hawking’s brief history of time or he’s just a big fan of Einstein’s general theory of relativity equating to energy to time. Either way, unfortunately for Chris in the place of Hawking and Einstein he found only Quayle and Corkill, who took the more straightforward approach of blowing the whistle 35 minutes after the start of the game. Sometimes you never get a break eh...
------ WHAT KATY DID
This week Stopfordwatch took us for an early morning trip to Castle Rushen last Saturday, to collect as many one-word reviews of Katy Stopford’s performance as possible. Would Katy produce a stellar performance for Cammags and help her side to their first points of the season in a critical match against Bacchas C? With such talent as Katy Stopford and Phoenix on the same pitch, it was a match which promised a certain amount, and delivered even less.*
Before the match, Katy approached Pasty. She seemed to be angry about something - presumably something unconnected with this - so it was difficult to work out exactly what she was saying with all the frothing and things, but we’re pretty sure it was along the lines of: ‘Thank you so very much, Pasty and Thad, for providing a resource through which my fellow hockey players can provide a constructive and meaningful critique of my sporting performance on a weekly basis. It’s most welcomed, and I am pleased that you have provided such a forum on my behalf, especially on our national newspapers’ website where I can access it whenever I wish to.’ We think it was this. It was difficult to tell with the anger and all that.
During the match, Katy made some storming runs down the left wing. Even better, Katy actually scored a goal, although this was approximately five seconds after the final whistle, and five seconds after the Bacchas defence and keeper had set off to the pub. Still, like a present from an aunt that you don’t really want, it’s really the thought that counts. (Although for the record, it didn’t count...). Anyway, after such a positive match, it was disappointing to see the reviews that we received. Honestly, guys, when we said we wanted one word, it didn’t necessarily have to be four letters long. The printable ones, however, included such sentiments as ‘abomonible’, ‘chilling’ and ‘irksome’. We think you’ve all been really mean. Poor Katy. * In reality the game was actually rather good, but because of the respect we have for our readers, we would never let the truth get in the way of a cheap joke.
------
PREDICTIONS
A good last week for Jon ‘Kate Middleton’ Whiting, who earned 11 points for the week, forecasting nine results correctly, including the correct score between the Bacchas and Castletown Colts teams.
This left him one point ahead of Pasty and four ahead of Thad, meaning the league is already very tight. We’ll publish the first league table as soon as Jon has been knocked off the top so we don’t need to buy him another Crabbies.
This week we have a player who has been chomping at the bit to carry out the predictions ever since the blog started. Last season George Powell impressed his clubmates, finishing as the top Saracen and in the top 10 for the whole season’s predictions.
However, this impressive performance wasn’t good enough for his mum who demands nothing short of perfection both on and off the hockey pitch. She has therefore taken it upon herself to show him how it’s done. Apparently, Kirstie spent a good 20 minutes reviewing the fixtures before making a great decision and calling George in for help!
Have a good ‘un!
Pasty and Thad.
KIRSTIE’S PREDICTIONS (UNDER THE SUPERVISION OF GEORGE)
Prem
Bacchas B 1 v 3 Valkyrs B
Valkyrs A 6 v 2 Vikings B
Vikings A 4 v 2 Castletown Celts
Div One
Castletown Cammags 3 v 1 Vikings c
Bacchas Colts 4 v 2 Saracens Sabres
Harlequins A 3 v 0 Castletown Cushags
Div Two
Castletown Southerners 4 v 1 Castletown Cosney
Bacchas D 1 v 3 Ramsey
Ramsey Rookies 4 v 1 Saracens Sharks
Vikings D 2 v 3 Valkyrs D
U16
Castletown Under 16 3 v 2 Ramsey
Vikings Under 16 2 v 4 Valkyrs
PASTY’S PREDICTIONS
Prem
Bacchas B 2 v 1 Valkyrs B
Valkyrs A 9 v 0 Vikings B
Vikings A 3 v 2 Castletown Celts
Div One
Castletown Cammags 4 v 2 Vikings c
Bacchas Colts 1 v 2 Saracens Sabres
Harlequins A 4 v 1 Castletown Cushags
Div Two
Castletown Southerners 2 v 2 Castletown Cosney
Bacchas D 1 v 5 Ramsey
Ramsey Rookies 3 v 2 Saracens Sharks
Vikings D 1 v 3 Valkyrs D
U16
Castletown Under 16 3 v 4 Ramsey
Vikings Under 16 2 v 2 Valkyrs Under 16
THAD’S PREDICTIONS
Prem
Bacchas B 3 v 1 Valkyrs B
Valkyrs A 7 v 0 Vikings B
Vikings A 2 v 1 Castletown Celts
Div One
Castletown Cammags 3 v 2 Vikings C
Bacchas Colts 3 v 2 Saracens Sabres
Harlequins A 2 v 2 Castletown Cushags
Div Two
Castletown Southerners 4 v 1 Castletown Cosney
Bacchas D 0 v 6 Ramsey Ravens
Ramsey Rookies 5 v 0 Saracens Sharks
Vikings D 2 v 4 Valkyrs D
U16
Castletown Under 16 1 v 1 Ramsey
Vikings Under 16 3 v 2 Valkyrs Under 16