Cancer season starts this week!!! Which means one important thing: Mystic Chess' birthday. 

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18) 

They say our thoughts create our reality. Looks like you'll be thinking a lot about burgers and disappointing dates this week. 

Pisces (Feb 19- Mar 20) 

Need space? With a personality like yours, it won't be hard to get the space from people that you need. 

Aries (Mar 21- Apr 19) 

Doing cringe things to seek attention this week is not the vibe. Do what normal people do for attention, and write horoscopes x

Taurus (Apr 20- May 20) 

Fancy leaving the island? Think again. You're here forever x

Gemini (May 21- Jun 21) 

Whatever you're going through, getting a masters is not the answer. 

Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22) 

It's almost crab season, but that's no excuse for you to be SUCH a crab. 

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22) 

If you're lucky enough to sleep with someone this week, Leo, they'll probably end up feeling like they're the promenade (they will never finish). 

Virgo (Aug 23- Sept 22) 

Having a good stationary collection is not a replacement for a personality. Live a little. 

Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22) 

If your spending has got out of hand, think about how you're helping the economy. For the greater good.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22) 

This week, you'll suffer from a lack of taste. Don't worry- it's not Covid, it's just being a Scorpio. 

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 21) 

This week your dreams will come true: all your teeth will fall out.

Capricorn  (Dec 22- Jan 19) 

Be careful before you make assumptions this week. That lady might not be pregnant, but just carrying some pandemic weight.