Fancy a laugh? We could all do with one in these uncertain times!

A little while ago I looked at some of the most popular sitcoms and comedy shows from back in time and thought I would do so again this week. What were your favourites?

Let’s start with the sitcom which holds the record for the biggest UK audience, attracting 24.3 million viewers for a single episode in 1996 (originally billed as the last episode).

It was, of course, Only Fools and Horses, which went on to be voted Britain’s best sitcom in a 2004 BBC poll.

Seven series were originally broadcast on BBC One from 1981 to 1991, with 16 Christmas specials aired until the end of the show in 2003.

Do you have a favourite episode?

Remember the chandelier scene?

In the episode ‘A Touch of Glass’, Del Boy, Rodney and Grandad take on a chandelier-cleaning job, resulting in a number of mishaps as they clumsily navigate the fragile fixture. You can almost feel the shock as it crashes to the floor in smithereens.

How about Batman and Robin in the Christmas special ‘Heroes and Villains’? They dress up for a fancy dress party but arrive at a wake, thinking it was the publican’s fancy dress party - unfortunately, he had died the day before!

Or Trigger telling everyone about a medal he received from the local council for using the same broom for 20 years—despite the fact it had actually had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in that time!

Remember the ‘Time on Our Hands’ discovery? An antique dealer friend spots an old watch engraved ‘Harrison’ on a gas stove when picking up his car from Del’s house.

Eventually the piece appears in Sotheby’s auction with an opening bid of £150,000, prompting Del to faint.

When he comes around, they go back into the auction room and the bidding is still continuing. Del thinks it is up to an unbelievable £350,000, only to discover the next bid is announced by the auctioneer as ‘Four million pounds!’ This time Rodney faints, and the final bid was £6,200,000—realising the oft-used quote: ‘This time next year we’ll be millionaires!’

How about a few other quotes or expressions popularised by the pair? ‘Lovely jubbly’, ‘You plonker’, ‘Cushty’ —to name a few.

I had a few things in common with Del Boy. My first car was a Reliant Robin, because I could drive it on a motorcycle licence. I also had a Ford Capri, which I so wish I still had—it was a 280 Brooklands model of which only 1,038 were made, and they sell for crazy money these days.

But one thing where we differed was that I didn’t have a garage full of Showaddywaddy LPs to sell in Moochers—mine were all ‘Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep’ singles by Middle of the Road! Remember them?

If a prize were to be given for a comedy sketch, in my opinion, near the very top would be the exchange and facial expressions during the dialogue between The Two Ronnies in the old-fashioned—well, not all that old-fashioned, because I remember a few—ironmonger and hardware shop sketch: ‘Four Candles’. Do you remember how it went? How could you forget!

Ronnie Barker enters the shop holding a shopping list.

He asks for what sounds like ‘four candles’.

Ronnie Corbett brings out four candles, but the customer merely repeats his request and the shopkeeper is confused. The customer rephrases his request to reveal he in fact wanted ‘fork handles’—handles for forks (as in garden forks).

He then asks for ‘plugs’. To avoid a similar mistake, the shopkeeper asks what kind, and is told: ‘A rubber one, bathroom’.

Believing he is asking for rubber bath plugs, the shopkeeper gets out a box of them and asks what size. The customer’s answer is, ‘Thirteen amp’—revealing he in fact wants an insulated electric plug.

Next, he asks for saw tips. Confused, the shopkeeper asks if he wants ointment for ‘sore tips’.

After a better explanation, the shopkeeper admits they don’t have any.

Then he asks for ‘Os’.

This causes the most frustration, with the shopkeeper bringing a hoe, a hose (’Oh, I thought you meant “hoes!”’), and even pantyhose to the counter (why would they be sold in a hardware store?).

Finally, it becomes clear he wants the letter ‘O’ for the garden gate—as in ‘Mon Repose’.

The box of garden gate letters is awkward to reach, requiring a ladder.

When the customer then asks for ‘peas’, the shopkeeper thinks he means the letter P for the garden gate, and angrily points out that they’re in the same box he has just put away.

After more confusion, it turns out the customer simply wanted tins of peas. At this point the shopkeeper suspects it may all be a joke.

The customer then asks for ‘pumps’, and the shopkeeper asks him to elaborate.

The customer replies: ‘Foot pumps’. The shopkeeper brings a pneumatic pump to the counter, only for the customer to reveal he actually wants ‘brown pumps, size 9’.

Now the shopkeeper is convinced he’s being pranked. When the customer asks for washers, the shopkeeper recites a long list of types in exasperation, but the customer calmly explains he wants tap washers—the only kind the shopkeeper hadn’t listed!

Finally, in frustration, the shopkeeper snatches the shopping list to complete the order himself.

But then he appears offended by something written on it, decides he can’t tolerate the customer any longer, and calls his assistant to finish the job.

The assistant reads the list, opens a drawer of billhooks, and asks: ‘How many would you like, one or two?’ (The shopkeeper had clearly misread it as something else entirely!)

If, like me, you enjoy shops where you come out with something you didn’t go in for, may I suggest Felton’s Ironmongers in Parliament Street, Ramsey?

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I have been a big music fan all my life and have done discos since the 1970s—firstly in the Allsorts under-18s disco in Wellington Street, and other regulars including the Grasmere Hotel for George and Viv Henthorn.

I spent several years with Manx Radio’s Chris Williams at the Villa Royal Hall, and even co-hosted live with him on Manx Radio at Christmas.

This year I am flying solo, covering the Sensational Seventies show between 1 pm and 4 pm on Sunday, August 31.

Hope you can join me! Be gentle with me… and get some requests in via the contact details above so I can mention you—or anyone else—and share your memories of the best decade for music.